Reflection on 2 Samuel 18:31-33

Then the Cushite came; and the Cushite said, "Good tindings for my lord the king! For the LORD has vindicated you this day, delivering you from the power of all who rose up against you." The king said to the Cushite, "Is it well with the young man Absalom?" The Cushite answered, "May the enemies of my lord the king, and all who rise up to do you harm, be like that young man."
The king was deeply moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept; and as he went, he said, "O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!"

Often I find myself in battles with my daughters that feel like the battle between David and Absalom. Though our battles may not have physically maimed us, they have indeed killed off little pieces of our souls. I am humbled to realize that I am capable of thrusting spears into the hearts of those whom I love most in the world, those whom I have borne and nursed at my own breasts, those to whom I have vowed my undying protection. As well, I am struck dumb by their need to wound me, to overthrow me from my petty household throne, and to make me a slave to their narcissistic adolescent demands.
I’ve been told to develop thicker skin, to ignore their claims of hatred, and to laugh at the ridiculous. Yet as I look around at other families and read stories like this story of David and his beloved son Absalom, I see clearly the murderous nature of the parent-child relationship. I believe with all my heart the battle cry – “I hate you.” I feel the poison of their anger slowly sicken me. But even more, I feel the blackness of my own shame when I send out the troops to battle them.
Yet I also believe without reservation that we love each other deeply. The love and the hatred do not cancel one another. Rather they stand forever in tension. The hatred provides the friction love must scrape up against in order to recognize itself. Absalom must grow up and rule his own kingdom. And David must defend his sovereignty. These opposing duties, instead of eradicating love, serve to expose it, painful though this exposition might be. Unfortunately for David, it is not until he has won the battle that kills his son that he realizes he’d give his own life to hold him again. We too must decide how much we are willing to kill or be killed in our relationships. How much we are willing to give and how much we must take. The tragedy of the human heart is to have to hold such oppositions. The beauty is to be awake in the midst of them.

*Previously published in The Bible Workbench.